Interview with Antje Dr Petershagen
I am Dr. Antje Petershagen, born in 1962 and living in Germany. My love for watercolors is a very long and intense one. The holistic approach of medicine and later psycho-oncology have given my art a firm place in my life. Art enables me to transform what I experience into color. Medicine, psycho-oncology and art make up my life. For me, they belong together, just as we humans are body, mind and soul. The many conversations I was able to have with cancer patients have enriched me and some sentences have remained in my memory and I have transformed them into color. Cancer needs communication and my art gives impulses to it.
Your career has uniquely bridged the gap between medicine and art, with each influencing and enriching the other. Could you describe a moment or piece where your medical insights directly inspired your artistic expression? How do you believe this integration benefits your viewers or patients?
I've been painting my whole life, I started as a little girl and have never stopped. A medical degree takes 6 years and it has a number of challenging moments. For example, the first day in the anatomy, in the autopsy room with all the many dead bodies. That was a moment that I captured in my sketchbook in the evening. A large room with many covered tables, underneath were people who had made themselves available to science. Without them, many things would not have been so easy to learn. My role model was an anatomy professor who was a gifted artist himself. No one could depict arteries and veins in the perfect beauty that he did. He supported me in living medicine and art as a symbiosis.
Having experienced breast cancer personally, how has this influenced the themes and emotions in your artwork? Do you find that your art serves as a form of therapy or advocacy for those similarly afflicted, or perhaps as a personal catharsis?
In my work with cancer patients, I learn how quickly things that are said can cause damage.
“It's just hair” is such a classic. People who are not affected are very quick to say that. For women in particular, hair is not just hair. They express a lot of their personality through it. When women lose their hair, they lose an important part of their personality. It takes courage for a woman to go bald.
“It's only hair” has become a watercolor.
Another example are genetic mutations that some breast cancer patients have; my watercolor “I am a mutant” was created from this. This was the introductory sentence of a new client.
My art reflects my daily work as a psycho-oncologist and cancer coach.
My clients feel understood.
I understand all of this because I am one of them and also a psycho-oncologist and coach. My art is a kind of mouthpiece to draw attention to cancer-related issues. True to the motto “Choose your words carefully, well-intentioned, doesn't always go down well with those affected”
Watercolor is known for its fluidity and subtlety. How do you use this medium to capture and convey the complex emotions associated with life-changing diagnoses or the journey of healing?
I was immediately in love with my first watercolor box. The colors have a life of their own and don't always do what they are supposed to do. This unknown, uncontrollable world of color is wonderful for me. It takes away some of my control and gives me so much magic. This balancing act between control and loss of control enlivens my art. I love bold colors, I use different techniques, they are a great way to portray emotions. I tell stories in my pictures; if you look closely, you can discover a lot. Creating my own worlds, populating them with flora and fauna, making the impossible possible in my art is like living with a palliative illness for many more good years. Despite or even because of a serious illness, there are always colorful, cheerful and happy moments. The colorfulness of the watercolors, from soft to strong, brings emotions to life.
You've mentioned the influence of your travels and spirituality on your identity and practice. Can you share how specific experiences from your travels, particularly to places like India, have been distilled into your artwork?
I have seen the world. Traveling has a huge significance in my life. Today, many people describe themselves as spiritual, yoga and meditation are offered everywhere. I don't do anything to be spiritual. I was born that way. I am part of the big picture, I feel connected and often go in search of my inner self. India, the land of contrasts, has so many places of power, so many wise people, that I like to spend time there. And of course the influences flow into my art. I have painted numerous watercolor series, cows, Lord Ganesha, tea plantations, to name just a few. There is often a third eye in my paintings. The Vedas, yoga as a philosophy and also meditation are long-lasting companions in my life.
As a psycho-oncologist who also engages deeply with art, how do you see the role of artistic activities in the therapeutic processes for cancer patients? Are there specific artistic methods or exercises that you find particularly effective in this regard?
I am not an art therapist, but there are certainly clients who find it good to pick up a paintbrush and turn their emotions into paint. There is something liberating about it, the anger dissolves, the fear diminishes and a quantum of happiness takes center stage.
Intuitive painting with watercolors can calm, can bring moments of thought-stopping, can allow a person to listen to their own inner melody undisturbed. It can temporarily alleviate the physical and psychological pain caused by a serious illness.
Working with collages can achieve a great deal. Clients combine colors with newspaper clippings, with materials they find and tell a story, often their very own. Sometimes we revise the collages after a few months, see if we want to integrate new elements, perhaps remove old ones. It helps with the healing process.
But creativity with words and color can also help to portray emotions. Sometimes people find it difficult to communicate their pain, their worries in a conversation, but if they have the opportunity to do this in writing, it works wonderfully. Journaling with illustration is a calming, almost meditative process that I like to guide.
Colors can be incredibly symbolic and powerful in conveying messages. What are some of the most significant colors in your palette, and what do they represent in the context of your experiences and the messages you wish to convey through your art?
Strong colors are my trademark, anyone who knows me knows that I love magenta. In India, a spiritual friend explained to me years ago that magenta is the color of healing. For me, this is a coherent explanation for my magenta preference.
Vibrant colors are a metaphor for life lived, for vitality that does not have to disappear with or after cancer. The fullness is within us.
You've navigated the public disclosure of your cancer diagnosis and integrated these personal experiences into your professional life. How has being open about your journey influenced your relationships with your audience and patients? Does this transparency impact the reception of your art?
I didn't speak publicly about my cancer for many years. At the time, I didn't want to hear any strange comments. It wasn't my first encounter with a serious illness, but it triggered a lot in me. It was extremely important to me to heal myself first and then continue as a psycho-oncologist. As a cancer survivor, I can almost always fully understand my clients, I know what they are talking about, I understand what only those affected can really understand. They realize that and when I show them today that it is possible to survive and have a life worth living, it helps them. It gives them courage and confidence. They know that I have dealt with finiteness and do not see death and dying as a taboo subject. All of this provides a broad basis of trust. By making my illness public, I have only gained, I can support the cancer community, but also help my colleagues to better understand some topics. I often succeed in alleviating the fear associated with a cancer diagnosis in those around me. Because those around me also have great fears. My art has not changed as a result of living in the public eye.
Considering your journey and the potent mix of art and medicine in your life, what kind of legacy do you hope to leave through your artworks? How do you want your pieces to be remembered or used by future generations?
What would I like to leave behind? Preferably a cancer-free world, but unfortunately that won't be possible. I want to convey to people that it can affect anyone; that cancer is a very old disease, that even dinosaurs suffered from it, but that we have many great early detection and prevention programs that help us to recognize diseases earlier. And, of course, personal responsibility for one's own health. It is important that people become aware of this. If I can raise this awareness and motivate as many people as possible to undergo screening/early detection, I will be happy. Implementing my dream of psycho-oncology 2.0, with a holistic approach, accessible to all people, that would be the ultimate goal.
How has your artistic expression evolved from the time before your diagnosis to now? Are there themes or techniques you find yourself more drawn to post-recovery?
No change at all, maybe your experiences with different materials, such as wood and canvas.
Looking forward, what new themes or projects are you excited to explore in your art? How do you plan to expand your role as both an artist and a psycho-oncologist to continue supporting and inspiring others?
I am working on my vision of Psychooncology 2.0, holistic and colorfully, accompanied by my art. My goal is to train many new psycho-oncologists and cancer coaches; to give them a solid foundation and make them ready for the ever-increasing number of cancer patients.
It`s only hair!
This is a sentence that often comes from those around you when there is a risk of hair loss under chemotherapy. In fact, many women perceive the loss of their hair as a loss of their identity. And a sentence like this is counterproductive. With this picture I just want to shake you up to rethink what comment I am simply making. Only when you have experienced this yourself should you allow yourself to judge.
"Destruction and Transformation – A Homage to Thure von Uexkull" from my sketchbook When Thure von Uexküll spoke of destruction, he referred to the egg. A chick has to destroy the shell to start its life. Cancer destroys and at the same time it moves so many sufferers to transformation. To realize that the last warning is to reflect on your life, to change it, to reshape it, to face your fears and to live your own life and not that of others.
"I'm a mutant" That was the opening sentence of a conversation with my client. For this woman, being a mutation carrier meant being isolated, being an outcast. No longer belonging. She had withdrawn completely because she was so ashamed of this diagnosis. Cancer and shame occur more often than expected.
"What Remained of Me" from my sketchbook
When a person has lost herself. After a mastectomy, the side effects of the therapy, the loss of her job and also the loss of a large part of her circle of friends, she sat in front of me and said, what is left of me is sitting here. She was looking for the woman she was before the illness. And so is their environment. Cancer changes a person, which is often very difficult for everyone involved to accept
“internal & external scars”
Cancer leaves internal and external scars. Body, mind and soul, which make us up, get out of balance.
“All you need is love” inspired by the Beatles Ashram in Rishikesh, India
"When death is constantly looking you in the eye"
Cancer is not a synonym for death!
As a cancer sufferer, am I still allowed to have dreams?
Dreaming is important, never give it up!
"Emotions"
Cancer evokes all emotions. Anger-grief-envy-fear-jealousy, many more, - to accept it, not to push it away, that often requires support
"Life with or after cancer is colorful"
This is one of the most beautiful sentences from a coaching session, the sentence fell towards the end when we thought about our journey in coaching together. Cancer is not a beautiful disease, it demands, destroys, but it transforms if we let it.
